Why do kids with ADHD struggle so much?

Let’s face it. Kids who have ADHD have a lot of struggles. Not just with problems like focusing, sitting still, or being all over the place. It’s being in a society in which their brains do not function the same way. We also call this a form of toxic stress: having to constantly maintain a standard their brains were not set up for.

What do I mean by that? Let’s think of the brain as being run on a motor (any kind would really work). That motor doesn't just control thinking or how fast they move. It controls feelings, emotions, reaction time, sleeping, eating, and being with people. Everything in their system goes into overdrive, especially when impacted by stress. When stress impacts the brain, thinking and impulse control decrease as well. Think about kids in school. Some parents say they are manageable at home, but then at school their symptoms escalate. School adds stress to kids' brains, which would make sense as to why their symptoms or behaviors show up more.

The problem with this, though, is that when others see this, they see more of the behaviors associated with ADHD and try to stop them. There could be many reasons why, but they often end up blaming the kids for them. That blame can then become personal, which leads to some kids with ADHD having low self-esteem and being afraid that others will not accept or like them. They feel the disconnection.

 Now, is this thought true? Probably not. However, if the brain has had enough instances of this happening, it becomes a predictable thing. And remember, the brain is running on a motor. So that shame, blame, or low self-esteem isn't just a 1 or a 2. It comes fast and hard, leading to a 5 and up. Once the brain is at a 5 and up, kids become more dysregulated, meaning talking to them or expecting them to use coping skills in those moments will not happen, which results in others around them becoming overwhelmed and dysregulated. What a mess that sounds like, right?

That’s why kids with ADHD often enjoy therapy when they find a therapist who connects with them. Someone who will see them for who they are, not just the behaviors they show. They can be with their hyperactivity, their brain running on a motor, and keep up with them for just a small bit of time to help them regulate. That small moment of connection goes a long way in rewiring the brain. This doesn’t just go for therapists, though. Parents, teachers, and coaches are also individuals who can help these kids thrive and function in the world.